Just recently I can’t stop thinking about Cole, like everything I do or say somehow my mind brings it back to him. We weren’t even together that long but the fact that we never actually broke up is killing me. I do want him back if I had the chance considering how perfect he was in ways that I’ll probably never find again, no I will just not right now so it feels like never. I know I was a fucking hook up now but like we were getting somewhere and then we make out in his car and that’s it. That’s why I’m like uh what the fuck, he just left me standing there… We talked that night but after that we stopped? We made all these plans to hang out that vacation week and I miss that. I just feel like I’m not good enough for anyone which I know isn’t true but after that happens you kind of just break down. That was two months ago and I wasn’t like this at all. Well I saw post on facebook of people I’m sort of friends with talking to him and I was like “That’s Cole! Oh my god…” and emotions starting going all over the place again. I did start constantly thinking about him before that but that just adds to everything. I really don’t understand why I’m like this TWO MONTHS later, I don’t want to think about him no matter how hot he is and perfect, LAURA SHUT UP. I have this feeling we’ll get back together but why do I think that? We “”ended”” for some reason clearly unknown to me so he’s just a dick and I need to realize that.
Maybe this summer will be different, I’ll find someone.. Last summer I had some chances with some people, Dave and Matt, Matt has been one of my close friends for years, same with Dave but Dave and I actually tried being a couple and that didn’t work as most everyone knows. Maybe Matt and I will actually happen? I mean I did start getting feelings for him last summer so who knows if he ends up being at the YMCA again, what could happen. I saw him at best buy last week and we we’re being cute with each other just standing there not talking, it was rather cute.
The main point of this post to just realize that I need to get my mind off Douche Bag #2, Kyle being #1. I just wish I never met up with, never made out with regardless how fun it was, just never started talking to him. Again he just made me happy for that month and that was it. My relationships fucking suck ass but then I’m only 16 so who knows what’s going to happen these up coming days, months, years, we’ll see.
I know this summer I’m going to be me since I’ll be at camp and all my troubles that I had mainly last year are pretty much dealt with and gone. I was having anxiety issues all last year and partly into this year, I would miss school constantly and just cry about so much shit. Well now that’s dealt with, I can actually just be me and not hide behind those tears.
Well this post honestly had no point, just be freaking out about Douche Bag #2, well actually writing this I feel so much better like something is lifted off even though I really didn’t trash him but I was able to write down what I wanted to say. I love to write and hell that’s the main purpose of a blog, right? Not to just reblog pictures of cats and whatever else. Hell I may actually start to use this as a blog but don’t worry I’ll still reblog pictures of cats.
Thanks if anyone actually read this…!